Shake It Off

It's baseball season, and what can I say, I have officially turned into a baseball mom.  I don't have the bedazzled  "Mom of Number 4" shirt yet, but I love watching Trey play.  I also find my typically docile self often jumping up and down as Trey slides into home or yelling, "throw it to second!"   Trey is passionate about baseball, and it shows in the number of hours he puts into practice and the way he lives, breathes, eats and sleeps baseball.  Since I have been around baseball all of these years, I've picked up some of the lingo.  "Good eye" when the boys don't swing at pitches over their heads, "good cut" when they have a good swing, and "shake it off" when an error is made or someone strikes out.  I was thinking about "shake it off" the other day.  When we tell the kids to "shake it off", what we really mean is "forget about it and move on".  I've heard Tremaine tell Trey many times that if he dwells on a mistake, he can't move forward with the game.  This, in turn, may cause more mistakes.  I was thinking about how I often can't "shake it off".  Whether it be a comment meant (or not) to hurt, forgetting to send lunch money to school or pick up the dry cleaning, or  just some random thing that happens in my life that is beyond my control, I have a really hard time shaking it off.  I can't get past certain things, even if they don't have anything to do with me personally.  My kids tell me things about their friends or classmates that make me hurt for them.  I watch the news.  I carry the burdens of the toddlers and their families that I work with in my job.  I worry about my children and this crazy world they're having to grow up in.  Shaking it off is really hard for me until I read what Isaiah 26:3 says,  "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you." (NIV)   Steadfast means "fixed in direction" or "unwavering".  So, if I have my mind steadfastly on Christ, I will have perfect peace.  I will be able to "shake off" the things of this world and keep my head in the game. 

Contentment for Christmas

I am sure that I am not the only one who struggles with contentment.  It seems that this time of year it is especially difficult.  We are bombarded with endless commercials that depict the perfect gifts and presentations (think "every kiss begins with Kay" and Lexus), as cheesy as they may be!  We read in Southern Living about beautiful houses that have been professionally decorated for Christmas while the perfect family pauses from their tree trimming and baking to have a casual "impromptu", I'm sure, photo.  I know that their lives cannot really be this way everyday, but that is the perception that I get.  Then, I look at my house that is seldom clean because I am seldom home.  Laundry is piled to the rafters, and nothing is perfect.  I am not thin and beautiful like the lady in Southern Living, and my kids are not little blonde cherubs with matching smocked outfits. Sigh.  Discontentment comes creeping in. 

My husband and children have a wonderful way of putting things in perspective for me.  My husband is a very wise man.  He is steady, and as solid as a rock in his beliefs.  He does things the right way, and he always sticks to his plan.  I am a little more impatient.  We decided after we had children that I would work part time so I could be home with the kids more.  This has been a blessing, although I have not always looked at it that way.  There have been times when I have thought that if I worked full time, we could have so much more "stuff".  The last couple of years, though, I have finally seen the wisdom in this plan, and I am so thankful that this is what we decided to do.  I have had the best of both worlds, and God has blessed me with some amazing part time jobs.  I am thankful for my husband's ability to sacrifice and be content and to lead us to do what is best for our family.

My daughter is also wise beyond her years.  This week, we dropped off something at a friend's new house.  Anna Caroline had never been there, and the house is very nice.  As we left, she said, "This is a really nice house.  I wish we could have a house like this."  Then, she said, "But, I'm just thankful that we have a house to live in."  I am thankful that she understands that not everyone is as blessed as she is.  This will certainly lead her to be content.

Yesterday we had a little cookie decorating party with a few friends.  We had a wonderful time of fellowship and food and cookie decorating.  Amazingly, Southern Living did not call to cover my party.  I was shocked!  My house was not perfectly or professionally decorated.  I made my favorite foods, and we had a noisy, messy time.  It was wonderful!  I can learn to be content in the fact that people enjoy imperfect experiences or, I can never entertain until I get the perfect house, tree, decorations, etc. 

Last Christmas, the thought came to me that God could have provided anywhere for Jesus to be born- a palace or a comfortable home.  He could have even skipped Mary and Joseph altogether and just sent Jesus down  from heaven.  (I am not a theologian, but :) I think that maybe He chose Mary and Joseph and the stable to teach us that while He always provides everything we need, it may not be everything we want.  He knows what we need and when.  He also uses our circumstances, good or bad,  to teach us or to lead others to Himself.  We have to be content to let Him make those decisions.  Look at how Mary and Joseph's ability to be content and to trust God has affected all of history! 

Merry Christmas!

Love, Marriage, Baby Carriage

The past few months have been a time of reflection for me. It all started when I had my 36th birthday in July. For some reason, it seemed like a big deal to be 36. I'm not sure if it is because now I am closer to 40 than 30 or what, but it really caused me to reflect on where I am in my life and where I want to go from here. I think another reason is that for the first time in almost 10 years, I don't have a baby. Of course, as I tell my kids, they will all always be my "baby". Elizabeth is potty trained, drinks from a big girl cup, and is very self sufficient (too much, really). So, technically, she is not a baby anymore. You can ask her, she will tell you herself! Also, I feel like I now have enough experience in my marriage, raising children, and my career that I am no longer a "rookie". I am all about embracing the wisdom that my expanse of gray hair obviously indicates that I have. The other thing is that Tremaine and I are about to celebrate 14 years of marriage on Tuesday. I really find that hard to believe! It has gone by so fast. I look back at our wedding pictures, and we are starting to look a lot older than the people in those pictures! We obviosuly weren't very wise, because we didn't have gray hair. I was still in college, as an undergraduate! What were my parents thinking letting me get married so young ;) It probably had a lot to do with the person who I was marrying. They put Tremaine through the fire when he came to ask for my hand in marriage. Thankfully, I did not know about it, or I would have been a nervous wreck. I pretend to be angry at them because they were not nearly as tough on Scott, my sister, Jamie's husband, and by the time they got to Drew, my sister, Courtney's husband, they practically begged him to marry her! Not really, but they all have to admit that Tremaine had it the hardest. My dad jokes that he expected Tremaine to pull out his bank statement as they talked. Now that I have children, I totally understand.

Fast forward 14 years, three kids, and several jobs later, and I love my sweet husband so much more than I could have ever imagined I would on the day that I married him. God truly picked him for me. He is not perfect, but he is perfect for me. Tremaine is first and foremost, the spiritual leader of our family. Even though I probably wasn't very wise at 22 when I got married, I prayed that God would give me a husband who would be the spiritual leader of our home. Tremaine has fulfilled this duty better than I could have ever imagined. I have never heard our children ask, "Are we going to church today?" on Sunday. It is understood that we are unless someone is sick, and if so, that person and a parent stays home, everyone else goes. He leads in so many other ways, too, helping the kids with devotions or saying prayers at night. He is a wonderful father. Whether it is playing Wii games, reading, or letting Elizabeth "fix" his hair (he gets bonus points for this one:), he always enjoys spending time with the kids. He serves on committees at church that benefit the children, as well as coaches their t-ball and basketball teams. I often wonder where he gets the energy after working a 40 plus hour week. He always puts our needs before his own, and does everything that is in our best interest.

There are so many more wonderful things that I could say, but most importantly, I am thankful to God for blessing me with my wonderful husband, my sweet children, a job that allows me to keep my skills sharp, continue with my career, and also be very flexible and available when my children need me, health, and happiness.

So, I will continue to reflect, with thankfulness, and hope that the next 36 years of my life will be as good as the first!

Getting Creative With Canning

Lately, I have felt the need to create. I have also been nostalgic, thinking back to the summers of my childhood in Walker Springs, Alabama (a suburb of the great metropolis of Jackson). We always had a huge garden. My parents grew tomatoes, cucumbers, okra, squash, zucchini, green beans, butterbeans, and peas. At the time, I could not fully appreciate the abundant bounty that our garden produced. It required much work, either planting, weeding, picking, shelling, snapping, cutting, or canning. My sisters will say that I always got the easy job of housework while they worked in the heat picking vegetables, but to them I say, "whatever".

We always loved it when we had peas or beans to snap or shell. We would come into the house, cooled by a single window unit. We would grab our pans and a bucket to put our ends in and watch TV. This was the only time we could "legally" watch TV. We often had sore, purple fingers.

We also helped our mom can and prepare the vegetables for freezing. I can't tell you how many pounds of squash and zucchini I have sliced in my time. We always seemed to have it coming out of our ears. We also made pickles from cucmbers and squash, and we canned tomatoes and green beans. I had never thought much about canning until the other day, when I thought that I may want to try it.

This morning I decided to take the kids blueberry picking. They have really missed out on the whole gardening thing. My parents and Tremaine's parents both have gardens, but they are about an eighth of what they once were (all of their workers are gone). We went to a cute U-Pick farm in Wilmer. It is called Betty's U-Pick Blueberry Farm. We picked two one gallon buckets full in about an hour. It was a fun, but hot experience, and Ms. Betty showed us her baby donkey, who had just been born on July 3rd.

After the berry picking, we went to Wal-Mart, and I got jars and all of my canning supplies. I had found a recipe for blueberry jam online which only contained blueberries and sugar. Simple enough. I came home, and Anna Caroline and I got busy making jam. We washed and sorted the blueberries. Anna Caroline was over quality control and stem patrol. She was also an excellent smasher. We added the sugar and cooked the jam. I followed the steps in my canning booklet that came with my "Canning Discovery Kit", and to my amazement, all of my jars sealed, and the jam looks beautiful. I did not save any for us to eat because I just knew that I would have at least one jar that did not seal.

I printed some cute labels for the jars online and decorated them with fabric and embroidery thread, and I am planning to give my first jar away tomorrow. I feel such a sense of accomplishment from doing this, and I hope that this will be a part of my childrens' memories someday. I think I may try salsa next!

Reflections on Motherhood

My first days of motherhood began quite differently than I expected. In my 26th week of a perfect pregnancy (after two miscarriages), I went into labor, only I didn't know it was labor. To make a long story short, I went in to my doctor's office to get things checked out at 9:30 in the morning, was already dilated 10 centimeters, and had a baby by emergency C-section at 3:24 that afternoon. Then, four days later, I had to go home from the hospital without my baby. Only someone who has had to do that can truly understand what it is like. I had not even gotten to hold him. In fact, it would be nine days after his birth before I got to hold him. Oh, but when I did... I remember the exact thought that I had the first time I held my tiny two pound six ounce baby boy: "I was born for this." Eleven weeks after he was born, we got to bring him home, and the journey began. Fast forward nine years and two sweet girls later, and I'm still on the journey. Some days it goes like I think it will and should go. Other days, I fly by the seat of my pants, do a lot praying, and trust God to get me through, hoping I'm "doing it right". Praise God for maternal instinct! I rely on it so much.

I know that this journey will never end, no matter how old my children are. I know how my mother still worries and prays for all of us daily. Where would we all be without our mother's prayers? I really don't want to know! My mother is such a prayer warrior. She began praying for my two sisters' and my husbands when we were little girls. She is now praying for her grandchildren's mates. I take such comfort in that. She prays without ceasing for people who I may have long ago given up on. She is faithful and believes that God hears her prayers and that He will answer them in His time. She is patient in waiting on Him and has a wonderful attitude about it.

My mother has given my sisters and me such a wonderful example of a godly woman, wife, mother. She loves with agape love. True, pure, unconditional. She finds some good quality in everyone she meets, even if she has to look really hard. She has the heart of a servant. She is a wonderful baker and cook, a love which I inherited from her. She has taught me to use it as she does, as a ministry. She regularly bakes cookies or cakes to take to several older people. She calls them her "little Alzheimers patients". If there is a death, birth, wedding, or shower of any sort, she is there with one of her culinary creations.

My grandmothers were both wonderful strong Christian women who, unlike most women of their time, worked outside the home for many years. This has always impressed me. They were pioneers! They were both so smart and fun. I love and miss them terribly, and I wish that my children could have known them. I try to keep their memories alive through stories and pictures that I share. I am so thankful for these two wonderful ladies and their influence in my life.

My mother-in-law, too is a godly woman. I am so thankful that she raised a wonderful husband for me and father for my children. Her influence in Tremaine's life is so evident.

Since the first moment that I held that tiny baby in my arms, uncertain of what the future held for us, I knew that whatever it was, I was ready to give my all to being the best mother that I could be. God has been faithful, and Trey is healthy, as are my two sweet, beautiful little girls. I am forever greatful for the precious mothers that God has put in my life. I have much to strive for!

Have Yourself a Perfect Little Thanksgiving and Christmas: Confessions of a Procrastinating Perfectionist

This is the most wonderful time of year, in my opinion. It also happens to be the busiest! Every year, I have grand ideas about how I am going to be organized for the holidays. I am going to have my shopping done the first week of December. I am going to bake everything I want to bake. I am going to have a clean and organized house (I said they were "grand" ideas, but this one may just be delusional :). My children are going to have perfect behavior and manners. My house will be beautifully decorated, and when my husband gives me my Christmas gift, it will be like one of those Kay Jewelers commercials. Ha!

Of course, I am never able to attain these lofty goals. After years of pondering, I saved myself lots of money that I could have spent going to therapy (I do have a minor in Psychology ;). I have always been a procrastinator. I tried to get to the root of the problem, and one day, I figured out that I am a perfectionist. I don't mean the OCD type of perfectionist that has to have a perfectly kept house with not a spot of dust to be found. I mean the type that thinks that if you can't do it right, it is not worth doing. Or, if you can't do every single thing that you planned, you may as well not do anything. This is kind of how I feel about the holiday season. That is why I put things off, not just during the holidays, but everyday. If I can't do it perfectly, then why bother?

Since I have had three children, I have had to talk to myself a good deal and set small goals for myself. Perfection and children usually do not mix. For example, I get upset with myself when we try to do Advent devotions every night during Advent and oops! I forget one. Well, I am ready to do away with the whole thing.

This year, I am going to try to pace myself a little better. I find myself in what is up until now, the busiest time of my life. School work, my work (I could write a whole book on being a procrastinator/perfectionist who is self employed and works from home and car!), church activities, sports activities, etc. not to mention everyday things that have to be done with holiday duties piled on top! I am going to try to be realistic. The real problem that I usually have is that I find myself in such a tizzy that I am not spiritually prepared for the holiday season. That is the most important holiday preparation, not the gifts and food.

I love Thanksgiving, and love to ponder all of the blessings that God has so graciously given me, none of which I deserve. Sometimes, though, I have to back up and take a deep breath, and remember them. Busyness gets in the way. Same with Christmas. I want my children to have wonderful memories of Christmas and to always love it and celebrate the birth of Jesus, not remember mom running around cooking and screaming!


I remember one of Tremaine's and my first Christmases that we were married. I was in the kitchen knee deep in casseroles and candy to take home for Christmas dinner. He asked me if I wanted to go ride around to look at Christmas lights. I remember that I almost launched into a big speech that may have gone something like, "Can't you see that I am busy cooking. We are going to Jackson tomorrow for Christmas. I still have presents to wrap..." But, thankfully, I remember saying, "Sure. I will finish this when we get home." Twelve years later, I still remember that. I probably wouldn't have remembered staying in the kitchen. Hopefully, I will be able to keep that attitude this Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Raising a Gentleman

When I discovered that I was pregnant with my first child, I immediately began having visions of girl names that I had always loved, about pink dresses, and girly nursery themes.  I am one of three girls, and it never occured to me that I could possibly give birth to a boy.  What in the world would I do with one?  Well, God indeed has a sense of humor, because He gave me a boy!  I was very excited, but had no clue as to how I would raise a boy.  Well, eight years later, I often still find myself clueless as to what to do with this boy.  I often joke that God knew just how many boys that I could handle (my youngest two are girls). 

Boys are both a challenge and delight.  Their energy levels rival that of the Energizer Bunny, and their manners often leave much to be desired.  However, I have found  my son to be very loving and sweet at heart.  He will fight with his sisters all day long, but gets very upset when he finds out that someone else has bothered them. 

Trey accepted Christ as his Savior as a first grader.  Of course, my ultimate prayer for all of my children is that they would make this most important decision.  This is the foundation for everything else that my husband and I want to teach him.  The other night, my husband and I were talking about how we only have about ten more years with him at home.  Tremaine said, "I hope we have enough time to teach him (I thought he was going to say something really profound like "how to make the right decisions" or "to always to be honest" or something along those lines :) to eat with his fork." Of course, I laughed because this is something that we constantly work on along with "use your napkin, not your shirt" and "brush your teeth and put away your clothes after your bath".  Those things are important, but not the most important. 

Lately, we have been concentrating on teaching him to be a gentleman.  My sister and I were talking the other day about how we love it when men act like gentleman and how it seemed to be becoming a lost art.  I have really tried to have Trey open doors for his sisters and me and always emphasize "ladies first".  We also teach our children to say, "yes ma'am" and "yes sir".  This is a work in progress, but he is starting to remember it more often. 

I am teaching third grade Sunday School at church this year, which happens to be the class that Trey is in.  I teach with two other wonderful teachers.  One of them happens to be a man.  I am so happy when men volunteer to teach children at church.  They are great Christian examples for young men.  We had breakfast in Sunday School last week, and the children formed a line.  Of course, the boys made a bee line to the front.  Mr. Bob said, "No, ladies first."  The other teacher so eloquently explained to the young boys why learning to be a gentleman is so important.  It really hit home with me because I had never thought of this before.  She said, "By learning to be a gentleman, you are learning to sacrifice and put others first.  You will have to do this to lead your families one day and to provide for them."  What an "a ha" moment I had!  Being a gentleman is much more than opening doors and saying "yes ma'am".  The root of gentlemanly behavior is sacrifice and putting others before yourself.  This was a valuable lesson for me and the boys. 

Some women get very upset when reading the scripture about submitting to their husbands, but if the husband is doing his part and loving his wife as Christ loves the church, everything falls in place and each person puts his/her needs behind the other person's.  This is the heart of Christian leadership, whether in a marriage or the church or in any relationship.  This kind of sacrificial love has to be taught early.  Unfortunately, it does not come naturally to our selfish, sinful selves. 

With God's help, one day, we can look back and say, "we raised a fine gentleman," even if he is still eating with his hands and wiping them on his shirt! :)