Have Yourself a Perfect Little Thanksgiving and Christmas: Confessions of a Procrastinating Perfectionist

This is the most wonderful time of year, in my opinion. It also happens to be the busiest! Every year, I have grand ideas about how I am going to be organized for the holidays. I am going to have my shopping done the first week of December. I am going to bake everything I want to bake. I am going to have a clean and organized house (I said they were "grand" ideas, but this one may just be delusional :). My children are going to have perfect behavior and manners. My house will be beautifully decorated, and when my husband gives me my Christmas gift, it will be like one of those Kay Jewelers commercials. Ha!

Of course, I am never able to attain these lofty goals. After years of pondering, I saved myself lots of money that I could have spent going to therapy (I do have a minor in Psychology ;). I have always been a procrastinator. I tried to get to the root of the problem, and one day, I figured out that I am a perfectionist. I don't mean the OCD type of perfectionist that has to have a perfectly kept house with not a spot of dust to be found. I mean the type that thinks that if you can't do it right, it is not worth doing. Or, if you can't do every single thing that you planned, you may as well not do anything. This is kind of how I feel about the holiday season. That is why I put things off, not just during the holidays, but everyday. If I can't do it perfectly, then why bother?

Since I have had three children, I have had to talk to myself a good deal and set small goals for myself. Perfection and children usually do not mix. For example, I get upset with myself when we try to do Advent devotions every night during Advent and oops! I forget one. Well, I am ready to do away with the whole thing.

This year, I am going to try to pace myself a little better. I find myself in what is up until now, the busiest time of my life. School work, my work (I could write a whole book on being a procrastinator/perfectionist who is self employed and works from home and car!), church activities, sports activities, etc. not to mention everyday things that have to be done with holiday duties piled on top! I am going to try to be realistic. The real problem that I usually have is that I find myself in such a tizzy that I am not spiritually prepared for the holiday season. That is the most important holiday preparation, not the gifts and food.

I love Thanksgiving, and love to ponder all of the blessings that God has so graciously given me, none of which I deserve. Sometimes, though, I have to back up and take a deep breath, and remember them. Busyness gets in the way. Same with Christmas. I want my children to have wonderful memories of Christmas and to always love it and celebrate the birth of Jesus, not remember mom running around cooking and screaming!


I remember one of Tremaine's and my first Christmases that we were married. I was in the kitchen knee deep in casseroles and candy to take home for Christmas dinner. He asked me if I wanted to go ride around to look at Christmas lights. I remember that I almost launched into a big speech that may have gone something like, "Can't you see that I am busy cooking. We are going to Jackson tomorrow for Christmas. I still have presents to wrap..." But, thankfully, I remember saying, "Sure. I will finish this when we get home." Twelve years later, I still remember that. I probably wouldn't have remembered staying in the kitchen. Hopefully, I will be able to keep that attitude this Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Raising a Gentleman

When I discovered that I was pregnant with my first child, I immediately began having visions of girl names that I had always loved, about pink dresses, and girly nursery themes.  I am one of three girls, and it never occured to me that I could possibly give birth to a boy.  What in the world would I do with one?  Well, God indeed has a sense of humor, because He gave me a boy!  I was very excited, but had no clue as to how I would raise a boy.  Well, eight years later, I often still find myself clueless as to what to do with this boy.  I often joke that God knew just how many boys that I could handle (my youngest two are girls). 

Boys are both a challenge and delight.  Their energy levels rival that of the Energizer Bunny, and their manners often leave much to be desired.  However, I have found  my son to be very loving and sweet at heart.  He will fight with his sisters all day long, but gets very upset when he finds out that someone else has bothered them. 

Trey accepted Christ as his Savior as a first grader.  Of course, my ultimate prayer for all of my children is that they would make this most important decision.  This is the foundation for everything else that my husband and I want to teach him.  The other night, my husband and I were talking about how we only have about ten more years with him at home.  Tremaine said, "I hope we have enough time to teach him (I thought he was going to say something really profound like "how to make the right decisions" or "to always to be honest" or something along those lines :) to eat with his fork." Of course, I laughed because this is something that we constantly work on along with "use your napkin, not your shirt" and "brush your teeth and put away your clothes after your bath".  Those things are important, but not the most important. 

Lately, we have been concentrating on teaching him to be a gentleman.  My sister and I were talking the other day about how we love it when men act like gentleman and how it seemed to be becoming a lost art.  I have really tried to have Trey open doors for his sisters and me and always emphasize "ladies first".  We also teach our children to say, "yes ma'am" and "yes sir".  This is a work in progress, but he is starting to remember it more often. 

I am teaching third grade Sunday School at church this year, which happens to be the class that Trey is in.  I teach with two other wonderful teachers.  One of them happens to be a man.  I am so happy when men volunteer to teach children at church.  They are great Christian examples for young men.  We had breakfast in Sunday School last week, and the children formed a line.  Of course, the boys made a bee line to the front.  Mr. Bob said, "No, ladies first."  The other teacher so eloquently explained to the young boys why learning to be a gentleman is so important.  It really hit home with me because I had never thought of this before.  She said, "By learning to be a gentleman, you are learning to sacrifice and put others first.  You will have to do this to lead your families one day and to provide for them."  What an "a ha" moment I had!  Being a gentleman is much more than opening doors and saying "yes ma'am".  The root of gentlemanly behavior is sacrifice and putting others before yourself.  This was a valuable lesson for me and the boys. 

Some women get very upset when reading the scripture about submitting to their husbands, but if the husband is doing his part and loving his wife as Christ loves the church, everything falls in place and each person puts his/her needs behind the other person's.  This is the heart of Christian leadership, whether in a marriage or the church or in any relationship.  This kind of sacrificial love has to be taught early.  Unfortunately, it does not come naturally to our selfish, sinful selves. 

With God's help, one day, we can look back and say, "we raised a fine gentleman," even if he is still eating with his hands and wiping them on his shirt! :)

Shhh! Don't Wake Mama Bear

If you know me, you know that I'm a pretty mild mannered, often reserved person.  I'm pretty even keeled, and I usually don't let things get to me.  I used to joke to my husband, Tremaine, that he was the only person that I was ever be mean to.  That list has grown a little as I've gotten older, but I generally keep my feelings to myself and vent to Tremaine or my mom or sisters.  However, I have an alter ego that you do not want to mess with!  Her name is Mama Bear, and she can be ferocious!  The only time that Mama Bear ever needs to make an appearance is when someone is threatening her cubs.  Trust me, you do not want to be the object of Mama Bear's wrath.  I don't know what it is, I guess it's that God given maternal fighting instinct, but I would walk through fire and do lots of generally out of character things for my sweet babies.  I'm sure that most moms feel this way. 

Mama Bear had to make a brief appearance this week.  She was very polite and spent about two hours crafting a response to an offender to be sure that she was being nice, but deep down, she didn't want to be nice.  She wanted to cry and kick and scream and pitch a good old fit.  She was calm, though, because deep down, she knows that you can get much further with people by being nice.  This is simply not her nature, though!

I once heard a mom of a special needs child say that she had to overcome her natural desire to be liked by everyone to get the services that her child needed.  She went on to explain that sometimes she had to fight and she had to be the person that nobody wanted to see - again.  I think that this applies to most moms, especially me.  I analyze and overanalyze the words I choose, tone of voice, even the way that I am standing or holding my arms when I'm talking to someone (I'm sure that a lot of that comes from my background as a speech-language pathologist).  Only about 10 percent of what you say is conveyed through your words.  Body language, tone of voice, pitch, volume, etc. is what people really see and hear when you are communicating.  I want to be liked and try to never come across as being not nice.  However, something happens when you are fighting for your baby.  All of that suddenly takes a backseat to the fight at hand. 

I know that one day, my cubs will have to go out into the wild on their own and fight their own battles.  But for now, Mama Bear is here and ready to fight (but only if necessary!).

Lessons From Ramona

I recently finished reading Beverly Cleary's Ramona the Pest to Anna Caroline.  I read her my tattered copy that I have had since probably 3rd grade.  It completely fell apart as we read it, but it was really neat to share a book with her that I loved as a child.  I read all of Beverly Cleary's books as a child, and I was thrilled to see that the movie, Ramona and Beezus had been made (although I have not yet seen it). 

Reading the book as an adult, a mother, and a person who makes her living by working with children, I was able to appreciate different things about the book than when I read it as a child.  In Ramona the Pest, Ramona is entering kindergarten.  The book is written from her perspective.  Like most kindergarteners, Ramona has difficulty behaving herself.  She sticks her tongue out at a friend of her mother's when the friend asks if the cat got her tongue.  "She asked me," was Ramona's reply when her mother scolds her for sticking out her tongue to show the lady that the cat, indeed, did not have it.  Ramona gets kicked out of kindergarten because she can't leave her classmate, Susan's boingy curls alone.

The part that really struck me was when Ramona hears her mother and father talking about her behavior.  Her mother says, "Ramona has to make up her own mind she wants to behave herself."  Here is the part that follows:  "Ramona despaired.  Nobody understood.  She wanted to behave herself...Why couldn't people understand how she felt?  She had only touched Susan's hair in the first place because it was so beautiful, and the last time-well, Susan had been so bossy she deserved to have her hair pulled."

This is truly how children think sometimes - probably most of the time.  I think that at those times, it is not their intent to misbehave, they just have to touch something because they want to know how it feels, it is something they have never seen before, or like Susan's hair, it is beautiful.  Other times, they feel that they have to defend themselves.  I am not making excuses for inappropriate behavior, but I think that sometimes, we adults could use a little reminder about what it is like to be a child.  I'm glad that Ramona reminded me.

Recipe (and I found a coupon for it!)

My last post was about food and making healthy meals that everyone in the family will eat. Well, this week, I found a great recipe that I would like to share (and no, I am not being paid by Shake n Bake :)). First, a little background...I always oven fry my chicken rather than fry it - because that's how my mom did it. I usually buy the big bags of garlic rounds that you can find at Bruno's or Winn Dixie for around 99 cents (which is a great deal!). I'm assuming they make the rounds from stale french bread, but they are seasoned well and are very flavorful. I keep them in my freezer, and when I'm ready to make my chicken, I put the amount that I need in a zip top bag and use my meat hammer to crush them to a coarse crumb consistency. Then, I put the chicken in the bag and shake it, (no need to coat it with anything) just like Shake n Bake. I then place it in a preheated 400 degree oven on a baking sheet sprayed with cooking spray, bake it for about 20 minutes, and dinner is ready. This is always great, and Tremaine and the kids and I love it. Most of the time, I cut chicken breasts into strips like chicken tenders and make oven fried chicken fingers. This is especially good for the kids since they don't eat an entire chicken breast.

So, the other day, I was in the mood for something different and thought that I would get some Shake n Bake. I noticed when I was in the store that they have a new Parmesan chicken flavor. We all love parmesan chicken, and I thought I would try it. I noticed that it had a recipe on the back for Oven Baked Parmesan Chicken. I have tried to make it in the oven before, but it never turned out great. The recipe said to make the chicken as you normally do. (Coat and bake at 400 for 20 minutes or until done.) Then, take the chicken out and top each piece with spaghetti sauce and a little mozzarella cheese and bake for 5 more minutes. It also suggested to serve it over spaghetti and with broccoli as a side. Well, remember how I said that when I make something that everyone in my family will eat, that I have hit a homerun? This was a major homerun. Everyone, including Elizabeth, cleaned their plates. They loved it! It was wonderful and so quick, easy, and healthy. I used Bertolli marinara sauce which is so wonderful! Obviously, this will be one of my new go to meals!

Some of you know that I am a couponer. I have never really seen a coupon for Shake n Bake. However, tonight, I went to their website, and guess what? They have a 75 cents off coupon of any one Shake n Bake product! Yea! Here is the link: http://www.shakenbake.com/. The coupon is on the bottom left. It is a Bricks coupon. If you press the back button a few times, you can print it twice.  Also, the recipe for the Oven Baked Parmesan Chicken can be found under the Quick Fix Recipes tab. 

If you make this, let me know how you like it!

Food Fights

Finding something that everyone in the family will eat is a tough task. It is especially tough if you are the least bit concerned about nutrition in the process. With three kids, I know that I have scored a homerun when I find a meal that everyone will eat. My son, who is 8, is a real meat and potatoes kind of guy. He has a very big appetite now, and I cannot imagine what it will be when he is a teenager. He is generally a good eater, but has a few quirks when it comes to textures. For example, he almost cannot tolerate being around someone who is chewing gum. His sister knows this and takes full advantage of it! He also has issues with anything gummy (gummy worms, fruit snacks, fruit roll ups, jell-o, etc.). He also does not like whipped cream, sour cream, congealed salads, or marshmallows. I suspect that he has some sensory issues due to the fact that he was born at 26 weeks gestation. I have talked to some occupational therapist friends of mine who have said that this may be the case. It really does not interfere with his daily life or well being, and my pediatrician was not overly concerned, so I have decided just to teach him to deal with these things (and to be polite when offered something he does not like).

My daughters, 5 and 2, are both snackers with major sweet tooths (or should it be teeth?). My 5 year old is better about eating at meals. I try to limit her snacks to one in the afternoon. We also started keeping the candy on top of the refrigerator so she has to ask before she can have something. My 2 year old...is 2. Anybody who has a two year old knows what I mean! We went to the beach last week, and I don't think she ate any "real" food the entire week. She snacked and ate a bite here or there, but nothing substantial. I know that kids go through these stages, so I am not stressing.

Some of the foods that all of my children will eat include:

poppy seed chicken casserole (I usually leave off the poppy seeds for them, but they will eat them)

green beans

macaroni and cheese

chicken

french fries

spaghetti

yogurt

meat loaf

butterbeans (They love them!)

strawberries

apples

I am sure that there are more, but these are the ones that come to mind. I used to really worry when my kids did not eat or only took a few bites, but all children go through phases of eating a little or eating a lot. I have decided not to worry about it. They will eat when they are hungry. I also only fix one meal (unless it is something that none of them will eat, and this is rare) for everyone.

Food issues can certainly be frustrating, but talking to your pediatrician and other moms can be helpful.

Happy New (School) Year!

I was reading an article in a magazine yesterday that was about how we should celebrate the new year in August rather than January. The author was, of course, referring to the start of a new school year. I have to agree with her. I love new beginnings, and I always look forward to the beginning of the new school year. Sure, I have to make peace with getting back into the routine of getting up early, staying on a rigid schedule, the dreaded homework, and getting uniforms ready every single day. But, once I have done that, I remember that I do much better in a routine and my kids do, too. We have one more week until school officially starts. The week ahead is my “get organized week” (even though I really need a “get organized year”!) Then, the next Monday, school is here!




This year will be different. My daughter, Anna Caroline will join my son Trey at “big school”. It is sad and exciting for both of us. She will do fine, and I will, too. Trey, a seasoned 3rd grader is excited. It will be a big transitional year for him. His teacher gave us a planner that he has to write his assignments in daily. I’m glad that he will learn early in life how to be organized. Maybe he can teach me. Anna Caroline will love school. She wants to read so badly and pretends to read her little sister books every night. It will be just 2 year old Elizabeth and me in the afternoons after Mom’s Day Out for her (and working- for me). I am sure that she will ask, “Where’s Nana (her name for Anna Caroline)?” a million times those first few weeks. My goal for the year is to be organized and to exercise! (Who would like to hold me accountable to keeping these goals???) I have a plan, though, and a planner that goes from July to June. It must have been developed by someone like me who thinks that this is the real start of the new year!