Reflections on Motherhood

My first days of motherhood began quite differently than I expected. In my 26th week of a perfect pregnancy (after two miscarriages), I went into labor, only I didn't know it was labor. To make a long story short, I went in to my doctor's office to get things checked out at 9:30 in the morning, was already dilated 10 centimeters, and had a baby by emergency C-section at 3:24 that afternoon. Then, four days later, I had to go home from the hospital without my baby. Only someone who has had to do that can truly understand what it is like. I had not even gotten to hold him. In fact, it would be nine days after his birth before I got to hold him. Oh, but when I did... I remember the exact thought that I had the first time I held my tiny two pound six ounce baby boy: "I was born for this." Eleven weeks after he was born, we got to bring him home, and the journey began. Fast forward nine years and two sweet girls later, and I'm still on the journey. Some days it goes like I think it will and should go. Other days, I fly by the seat of my pants, do a lot praying, and trust God to get me through, hoping I'm "doing it right". Praise God for maternal instinct! I rely on it so much.

I know that this journey will never end, no matter how old my children are. I know how my mother still worries and prays for all of us daily. Where would we all be without our mother's prayers? I really don't want to know! My mother is such a prayer warrior. She began praying for my two sisters' and my husbands when we were little girls. She is now praying for her grandchildren's mates. I take such comfort in that. She prays without ceasing for people who I may have long ago given up on. She is faithful and believes that God hears her prayers and that He will answer them in His time. She is patient in waiting on Him and has a wonderful attitude about it.

My mother has given my sisters and me such a wonderful example of a godly woman, wife, mother. She loves with agape love. True, pure, unconditional. She finds some good quality in everyone she meets, even if she has to look really hard. She has the heart of a servant. She is a wonderful baker and cook, a love which I inherited from her. She has taught me to use it as she does, as a ministry. She regularly bakes cookies or cakes to take to several older people. She calls them her "little Alzheimers patients". If there is a death, birth, wedding, or shower of any sort, she is there with one of her culinary creations.

My grandmothers were both wonderful strong Christian women who, unlike most women of their time, worked outside the home for many years. This has always impressed me. They were pioneers! They were both so smart and fun. I love and miss them terribly, and I wish that my children could have known them. I try to keep their memories alive through stories and pictures that I share. I am so thankful for these two wonderful ladies and their influence in my life.

My mother-in-law, too is a godly woman. I am so thankful that she raised a wonderful husband for me and father for my children. Her influence in Tremaine's life is so evident.

Since the first moment that I held that tiny baby in my arms, uncertain of what the future held for us, I knew that whatever it was, I was ready to give my all to being the best mother that I could be. God has been faithful, and Trey is healthy, as are my two sweet, beautiful little girls. I am forever greatful for the precious mothers that God has put in my life. I have much to strive for!