Of course, I am never able to attain these lofty goals. After years of pondering, I saved myself lots of money that I could have spent going to therapy (I do have a minor in Psychology ;). I have always been a procrastinator. I tried to get to the root of the problem, and one day, I figured out that I am a perfectionist. I don't mean the OCD type of perfectionist that has to have a perfectly kept house with not a spot of dust to be found. I mean the type that thinks that if you can't do it right, it is not worth doing. Or, if you can't do every single thing that you planned, you may as well not do anything. This is kind of how I feel about the holiday season. That is why I put things off, not just during the holidays, but everyday. If I can't do it perfectly, then why bother?
Since I have had three children, I have had to talk to myself a good deal and set small goals for myself. Perfection and children usually do not mix. For example, I get upset with myself when we try to do Advent devotions every night during Advent and oops! I forget one. Well, I am ready to do away with the whole thing.
This year, I am going to try to pace myself a little better. I find myself in what is up until now, the busiest time of my life. School work, my work (I could write a whole book on being a procrastinator/perfectionist who is self employed and works from home and car!), church activities, sports activities, etc. not to mention everyday things that have to be done with holiday duties piled on top! I am going to try to be realistic. The real problem that I usually have is that I find myself in such a tizzy that I am not spiritually prepared for the holiday season. That is the most important holiday preparation, not the gifts and food.
I love Thanksgiving, and love to ponder all of the blessings that God has so graciously given me, none of which I deserve. Sometimes, though, I have to back up and take a deep breath, and remember them. Busyness gets in the way. Same with Christmas. I want my children to have wonderful memories of Christmas and to always love it and celebrate the birth of Jesus, not remember mom running around cooking and screaming!
I remember one of Tremaine's and my first Christmases that we were married. I was in the kitchen knee deep in casseroles and candy to take home for Christmas dinner. He asked me if I wanted to go ride around to look at Christmas lights. I remember that I almost launched into a big speech that may have gone something like, "Can't you see that I am busy cooking. We are going to Jackson tomorrow for Christmas. I still have presents to wrap..." But, thankfully, I remember saying, "Sure. I will finish this when we get home." Twelve years later, I still remember that. I probably wouldn't have remembered staying in the kitchen. Hopefully, I will be able to keep that attitude this Thanksgiving and Christmas.
